The Ticket

"When I was a little girl, " I said, "I went to my father and said, "Daddy, I am afraid that I will never be strong enough to be a martyr for Jesus Christ."

"Tell me," said Father, "When you take a train trip to Amsterdam, when do I give you the money for the ticket? Three weeks before?"

"No, Daddy, you give me the money for the ticket just before we get on the train."

"That is right," my father said, "and so it is with God's strength. Our Father in Heaven knows when you will need the strength to be a martyr for Jesus Christ. He will supply all you need—just in time…"
Corrie ten Boom - from a letter she wrote in 1974

I could tell it was happening again. Something just wasn't right. It got to the point where I started mentioning it to my husband, and lying awake at night thinking about it. I'd been through this before, and thought it wouldn't happen again. But, to my astonishment, it was happening. And there was nothing I could do about it.

My entire adult life seems to have been littered with this occurrence. It has been the great road block that has kept me from going where I want to go. Anyone close to me knows exactly to what I'm referring. If you don't know, I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say it is has been tough to swallow.

Like I said, I've been through it before enough times to see the warning signs, and those signs scared me. I got to the point where I would burst into tears any moment when I was alone - in the car, in the restroom. I was so afraid I didn't have the strength to endure it again. I had plans that had to be fulfilled NOW in order for them to happen at all. This might be the final road block preventing these plans from ever coming to fruition. I'm getting older, and more tired, and just didn't think I had it in me to tackle this trial once more.

But, to my great surprise, when it happened, I actually experienced relief. I saw the miraculous hand of God handle the details for me. The first time I found myself alone in my car, not too long after it happened, I did cry a little, but found myself singing and even smiling. Me and Hall & Oates "You make-a my dreams come true. Woo oo oo oo." Our stereo iPod was on autoshuffle. This isn't the song I would have chosen for that moment, but I think it was the soundtrack God sovereignly chose for that moment.

I wasn't asked to be a martyr like Corrie ten Boom describes, but I was asked to handle something I didn't think I had the strength to endure. My Heavenly Father gave me the ticket—the strength I needed to endure having this difficult thing happen to me.

Oh, I still cry about it every so often, but fear is no longer my overwhelming emotion. I'm learning to be content in this circumstance. Yes, I pray this never happens to me again, but my hope doesn't come from what the future might hold. My hope comes from knowing I have a God who will never leave me or forsake me (Hebrews 13:5). He will give me the strength to endure anything that comes my way, when it comes my way.

I can do everything through Him who gives me strength (Philippians 4:13).

Heavenly Father,
Thank You for providing the strength we need, when we need it. Thank You for never giving us more than we can handle (1 Corinthians 10:13). Please give each of us the courage, wisdom and determination to do whatever You've allowed in our lives for Your glory and our good.
In Jesus' Name,
Amen

A special thank you to Stephanie Schwartz who first shared the story of the ticket with me in her talk, The Secret of Contentment.